I really feel that there are way too many negative words used, which ultimately doesn’t gain the desired effect anyway…particularly in parenting.
I for one from first hand experience can demonstrate how the overuse of the term ‘wrong’ or ‘no’ from a father who means all the good in the world has had the reverse effect to what he had hoped. Always too quick to correct or dismiss anything done not quite the way he would do it, resulted in me being less than half as confident as I should be. Ok so occasionally whilst growing up perhaps he was right on occasion but having got stuck in the habit of continually using this technique to ‘teach me a lesson’ so to speak and make an impact, simply resulted in me lacking self-confidence. Half the time I was right too – in my mind anyway.. I just tended to do things a different way. I still got to the same destination/answer, so how could I always be ‘wrong’ … exactly – i wasn’t I just did it ‘my way’.
Even now he is doing it – literally yesterday having overheard me on the phone sorting the car insurance, he said ‘you’re asking all the wrong questions’ . I was not. I got the car insurance, the deal i wanted, that he couldn’t have got any different, I just went about the phone call my way as opposed to his. Fortunately after years of telling myself not to listen, I am managing to dismiss it far easier than I ever did before. I am however very conscious not to do this with my own child.. I will sooner say ‘yes that’s good but maybe there is a better/quicker way’ or ‘well done, but perhaps this makes more sense’.
And then there’s ‘NO’ a similar nasty….Why is this word used so much? We can again work our way around it by using other comparisons or better options, i.e. ‘why not do it like this?’ or ‘how about we try that’ or ‘have you thought of doing it this way’.
We don’t need to keep using such negative language which ultimately leaves a negative impact – which is actually a logical outcome. Lets try to encourage before discouraging and praising before criticizing. I think there would be great benefit all round!