First of all thanks for following those of you who have chosen to! Its’ encouraging and I’ve loved reading your blogs too!
As I mentioned, i would start posting the odd bit from my book as and when I feel like it. Most of you who have read my other posts know that my book (soon to be published hopefully! All things crossed!) is the story of my life and search for love and happiness. It’s made up of narrative and over twenty years of obsessive diary keeping. Due to the time span it covers there’s obviously a ton of material, which I have now, with the help of an editor cut down to a reasonable amount – which also means that there’s a ton of ‘stuff’ that’s been cut out and is now just floating around doing nothing. So….. I’ve decided to pick some of the more interesting bits and post them on here. I’m going to start with a poem. When i was younger, writing was always my way of releasing stress, along with prayer and other obsessive behaviours.. like excersizing for example. Anyway… I would write and write and write … in all forms, letters to friends, notes in my diaries or poems, trying to beautify situations and make them slightly more digestible.
So here we have a poem written at university, after i’d fallen once again for the ‘wrong type of boy’ as I had become so accustomed to doing .. like so many of us. The charming, the powerful, the cool, elusive type that could simply do no wrong – but to all intents and purposes was just that ‘wrong’. This was my way of consoling myself and trying to understand and gain some control over the situation by putting it into writing. Here we go:
Poem about a boy at Uni (Alistair)
10th Oct 1993
Here I am bored as sh*t,
Not happy a bloody bit,
More probs. with Alastair..
‘Though I tell myself I just don’t care.
I’m off back home day after tomorrow,
Where I shall relax and forget my sorrow.
Just a break it’ll be for me,
But hopefully I’ll return with glee.
It’d be quite nice to have Ali by my side
But as for that, I just can’t decide.
He’s really sweet and l like him a lot
. . (I think)
But about his commitment, I sincerely know not.
I don’t want to be played about at all
And if it wasn’t for that we’d probably have a ball.
There’s always the shadow of his ex-girlfriend,
Who he’ll pop up and see every other weekend.
Well, who can be trustworthy, you never can know,
I guess all you can do is give it a go
And before you start doubting, asking yourself why..
Be open-minded and give it a try.
I do have some work to do also right now
But how to do it, I just don’t know how.
It’s so confusing and I’m a bit behind
But with a little discipline it shouldn’t be such a bind..
Well, soon I’ll have a shower and lay in my bed,
Have some sweet dreams and rest my wee head,
Hopefully I’ll wake up and my troubles will be gone
And I’ll be feeling quite great the whole daylong.
It’s best to be honest and say how you feel
Or there’ll always be doubting and it won’t be real
Remember your friends though; they’re most precious you know..
Remind them you love them and they’ll never let go.